This is just a random poem I wrote off of the top of my head after everything that has gone on in my life. It isn't very good but oh well..
When is it really enough?
Didn’t think it would be this tough
Letting go of my best friend,
It unfortunately has to come to an end.
When the truth is kept hidden,
You aren’t the only one who feels guilt ridden
To think things would be like this
What the hell did I miss?
At one time the trust was there….
But now all I can do is ask “where?”
I miss the way things used to be
Do you really know what you meant to me?
When we first met all I could say was “hi..”
But suddenly this is goodbye.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
how many chances are TOO many?
I swear to bob I'm like the queen of "second chances", I give them out like candy at halloween or at least I used to and I need to stop.
One of my most recent "ex-best friends" apologized to me after I jokingly sent a friend request to her on facebook, I'm torn as to whether or not I should fully accept it or not. This is the same individual who came between me and my (current and forever lol) best friend TWICE and then proceeded to tell me that I'm only capable of having one friend at a time. This person ALSO told another one of my close friends (they dated for about a year) that I was jealous of the relationship they had simply because I wanted to be with said friend which couldn't have been further from the truth (I had feelings for this guy during freshman year but it died off soon after that). But moving forward from that I can't exactly say I trust them, I forgive but I don't forget very easily. I won't be letting them back in (to where they were) any time soon simply for the fear that it's going to be a continuation of a vicious cycle. Do I take another blind leap of faith and trust her or not?
On the other hand, her ex-boyfriend accepted a friend request I sent him and keep in mind at one point he was one of my closest guy friends back in high school. He sent me a very heartfelt message apologizing and if I'm being totally honest I wasn't expecting it but it was definitely a nice surprise. Having known him longer than I have this other 'friend' I know for a fact that his apology was genuine.
I swear my luck with "best friends" is so shitty, I've lost almost all of the people I've at one time considered that. Some of which (one i know is gonna read this) have been mature enough to start up a friendship again and I couldn't be more grateful that they decided to change their minds. I've fucked up so much when it comes to certain people that in all honesty I don't blame some of them if they never talk to me again.
Also, I've been dealing with the process of moving on from yet another person I considered my "best friend", we talked everyday for a year straight and went through so much in the two years that we've known each other. It got to the point where they would call me multiple times a day from 6 1/2 hours away in college just to say hi, I'd be lying if I said I don't miss it because I do. But something is being withheld from me (they admitted it) and I don't deal well with that, however I am at the point where I could honestly care less what it is. I've been struggling to let this person go and it's been difficult but I think it's slowly working, it's not that I don't want to be friends with them anymore I just know that it won't be anything like it used to be. *le sigh*
But on a more positive note my lifelong best friend has been like a guardian angel to me for the last 5 years, I can't even comprehend what my life would be like without her. We've been there for each other through some of our darkest times and even despite all the shit we've gone through we still remain extremely close. I love her to death <3
One of my most recent "ex-best friends" apologized to me after I jokingly sent a friend request to her on facebook, I'm torn as to whether or not I should fully accept it or not. This is the same individual who came between me and my (current and forever lol) best friend TWICE and then proceeded to tell me that I'm only capable of having one friend at a time. This person ALSO told another one of my close friends (they dated for about a year) that I was jealous of the relationship they had simply because I wanted to be with said friend which couldn't have been further from the truth (I had feelings for this guy during freshman year but it died off soon after that). But moving forward from that I can't exactly say I trust them, I forgive but I don't forget very easily. I won't be letting them back in (to where they were) any time soon simply for the fear that it's going to be a continuation of a vicious cycle. Do I take another blind leap of faith and trust her or not?
On the other hand, her ex-boyfriend accepted a friend request I sent him and keep in mind at one point he was one of my closest guy friends back in high school. He sent me a very heartfelt message apologizing and if I'm being totally honest I wasn't expecting it but it was definitely a nice surprise. Having known him longer than I have this other 'friend' I know for a fact that his apology was genuine.
I swear my luck with "best friends" is so shitty, I've lost almost all of the people I've at one time considered that. Some of which (one i know is gonna read this) have been mature enough to start up a friendship again and I couldn't be more grateful that they decided to change their minds. I've fucked up so much when it comes to certain people that in all honesty I don't blame some of them if they never talk to me again.
Also, I've been dealing with the process of moving on from yet another person I considered my "best friend", we talked everyday for a year straight and went through so much in the two years that we've known each other. It got to the point where they would call me multiple times a day from 6 1/2 hours away in college just to say hi, I'd be lying if I said I don't miss it because I do. But something is being withheld from me (they admitted it) and I don't deal well with that, however I am at the point where I could honestly care less what it is. I've been struggling to let this person go and it's been difficult but I think it's slowly working, it's not that I don't want to be friends with them anymore I just know that it won't be anything like it used to be. *le sigh*
But on a more positive note my lifelong best friend has been like a guardian angel to me for the last 5 years, I can't even comprehend what my life would be like without her. We've been there for each other through some of our darkest times and even despite all the shit we've gone through we still remain extremely close. I love her to death <3
Saturday, October 1, 2011
so yeah...
I don't even know what to put in here other than my life has been stressful lately and I'm ready for things to slow down even though they won't ANY time soon. I feel blessed to have such amazing people (from all over the world) surrounding me and keeping me level headed, otherwise I would have gone off the deep end by now. I have a feeling this blog is gonna get quite personal sometime soon.
we'll start of with this.... me...
we'll start of with this.... me...
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